


What Should Be

by AJthegrouch



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27662695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AJthegrouch/pseuds/AJthegrouch
Summary: Bill's life should have been something much different, if Georgie had lived. It could have been warm, and soft, and lovely. It should be one where everyone gets their happy ending.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier/Stanley Uris
Comments: 3
Kudos: 10





	What Should Be

The first time Bill remembers really  _ realizing _ he had a little brother - not some baby that was kind of cute but got super boring after a couple minutes - was when Georgie got his first bike. The kid had been toddling after Bill and Silver since he could walk, but of course was always left behind in the dust.

But then, Georgie got his own bike. A black beauty, sleek and dark next to Silver’s shine. Georgie promptly named it Hi Ho, the other part to Silver. Bill should have been annoyed, probably. Little baby brother elbowing his way into Bill’s world. God, though, didn’t Hi Ho  _ fly _ . Right alongside Silver, the two of them, twin brown hair ruffled by the wind as they stood up on those pedals to coax every last drop of speed out.

The inaugural ride was just the two of them. They were headed down the hill, as fast as they could, when Bill looked over at Georgie to make sure the kid wasn’t about to fall off. Lord knew that Bill would get blamed for the slightest  _ scrape _ on his mom’s favorite son. What Bill saw, though, wasn’t fear or uncertainty. Georgie was grinning. He looked over at Bill, his smile so wide and pure it felt like it encompassed every bit of what it was to be young and free and wild. And then, tipping his head back, Georgie  _ laughed _ .

His infectious giggle seemed to pour over the both of them, honey sweet and fine. Soon Bill was laughing too, and by the time they hit the straightaway at the bottom of that hill, the two Denbrough brothers were cackling like maniacs.

That day, Bill had a brother. And from that day, that  _ moment _ , he’d also had a best friend. One who would be there, thick and thin, bound by blood, sure. More importantly, though, bound totally through that mystical connection that young boys have, the one that moves mountains and insulates from bullies of all kinds. Georgie was part of the group, and Bill knew it’d never be different.

Hi Ho and Georgie became part of the trio that was now a quad. Bill, Eddie, Richie, and kid George would rule the Barrens and any street that would let their bikes fly without worrying about silly things like brakes pumping or the world at large. 

Then, though, there was Ben. Ben, who had no protection, but now was part of theirs. Opening up the group a bit more to someone who  _ hadn’t  _ been around since childhood. It was good. Really, good, actually. They laid out under the stars, exhausted from a day of swimming, staring up as Ben pointed out the constellations that blanketed from above. Perfect in the form of hot summer days that smelled of lush green and sweat and sunscreen that Stan  _ insisted _ they all wear.

Bev came soon after. Bill thought it was a little weird, having a girl around, but it wasn’t too bad. Especially not since Georgie was there, too. The rumors of missing kids ramped up more, enough that Bill started to notice. Georgie, however, was far more interested in listening to every single one of Ben’s Derry is a Horrifying Cesspit lessons, or in letting Bev teach him how to be a poker shark.

That was the thing about Georgie. Didn’t matter who you were, he could charm you. Bill blamed it on that lopsided smile, the way a dimple would pop and his eyes would sparkle. Who could resist that? Even Bowers had stopped directly harassing Georgie, instead throwing his poison darts around the kid towards the rest of the Losers.

Which soon included Mike. This addition, though, felt as natural as breathing. As if Mike had been there all along, their invisible fourth to the original three. And with Mike it felt complete. The eight of them, the Losers Club, they were a family. A family with a weird uncle who dressed like a geriatric Floridian mental patient. And another weirdo who had more pills than the average addict. Heck, they were all weird, but here they were. Together.

So when the disappearances seemed to get more frequent, closer together, it was all of them that finally agreed with Bill’s plan to go into the Neibolt House. Georgie marched right alongside Bill in his yellow rain slicker, holding tight to a flashlight so they could all see. That really was who Georgie had become to them. Their guiding light. Just having him there, next to him, Bill felt a sense of calmness even in the face of the horrors of  _ It _ .

What was Bill afraid of, outside of losing his brother? His friends? Even though they were battered, battle worn and bruised, Pennywise could find an in, even with his slippery fingers probing their every fear. Bill knew that they would win. Never had a doubt.   
  
Mike held Bill’s hand as they walked out of Neibolt. Just for balance. Georgie clung to his other one, but that was purely for comfort, the connection of the two of them. Brothers, in every sense of the word. Now joined by one more thing - a shared war in which they’d walked away victors. The eight of them had fought their way through experiences no one could even imagine, much less understand. That summer, they’d grown up. Georgie most of all. He shouldn’t have seen what they all had, but Bill couldn’t regret that. Georgie had been the reason they’d walked out alive. 

The voice that called them all home. Their light in the darkest place imaginable. 

The Losers remained friends. Of course they did. All of them were now tangled together in an unforgettable mess, the best kind of disasters. Georgie was a full six years behind them in school, so he watched them all leave Derry, one by one. 

Mike and Bill went to Dartmouth, Mike for history and Bill for creative writing, which would, halfway through, turn into women’s studies.

Richie went to the west coast to become a comedian, lasting not quite a year before he enrolled in some community college in California somewhere, studying business while doing his sets on open mic nights. They’d all flown out on his twenty first birthday to celebrate and Bill had to admit, Richie had such a hilarious perspective on life as a gay man from a small town to one in a very big city. Bill and Georgie agreed, they had no doubt at all that Trashmouth Tozier would be big.

Eddie and Stan both wound up at Yale, both accounting majors. It made it easy enough for them to get together with Mike and Bill. The two of them were sharing a small apartment, the cleanest damn space Bill had ever seen. Stan had organized a monthly rotation of them to go check on Richie and make sure he was alive and feeding himself. Stan’s love had the power to shrink distances that should have strangled. Bill always was in awe of him, of both of them. Nothing stopped their care for Richie, even Richie’s own idiocy itself.

Ben and Bev had run off together and married shortly out of high school. Exactly nobody was surprised. Georgie walked Bev up the aisle, and Bill wouldn’t deny he cried. It was beautiful, tasteful and intimate, absolutely perfect for the two of them. Ben was studying architecture; the home he designed for Beverly as a wedding present took all of their breaths away. Richie couldn’t even come up with a snarky remark fast enough. Much to his dismay.

On Eddie’s twenty-fifth birthday, they all convinced Beverly to admit she had dreams, too, and could actually go after them. It took several bottles of wine and a copious amount of laughter and prodding, but together the Losers had gotten the application filled out for a design school Beverly had been eyeing for years.

She got accepted, of course. No one had ever doubted her except for her. Beverly’s grin over video chat as she showed off her letter made Bill’s stomach do flips and somersaults. That was Bev’s power, to make the whole world seem lighter just with a smile. The way Ben looked at Beverly made it clear she was his whole world, and God, was Bill happy for them.

Georgie, of course, had to go the extra mile and created a whole short movie about Beverly’s rise to fame and fortune in the design world. Which, though the confidence was well placed, was a bit premature considering she hadn’t started classes yet. Georgie didn’t care. He was like that, always. Claiming some grand, beautiful future for all of them, acting as if it was a given. He loved them all, wholly, unselfishly, and had no trouble expressing that.

Even with all the horrors he’d seen, Georgie was still radiant. Still Bill’s guiding beacon, calling him back to who he was. Grounding him when it felt like the whole world was swirling into chaos and noise inside Bill’s head.

When Georgie graduated college with honors, walking out with his film degree, the rest of the Losers were all clapping and cheering his name. It didn’t matter that Bill and Georgie’s parents were not exactly the  _ warmest _ of people, not when they had a real family that was so full of love it echoed around them. Resounding in ripples through all of their lives.

As Bill watched Mike walk down the aisle towards him on their wedding day, Georgie was the one standing right next to him. As Bill found himself unable to  _ breathe _ at how handsome Mike was, how  _ lucky _ Bill was to even know such a man, Georgie calmly took his hand. For comfort. For connection. And he held it until Mike took over, grasping Bill’s fingers in his own. 

It was late at night, Christmas Eve, and the Losers were all sprawled in the great room of Richie, Stan, and Eddie’s cabin. There was a fire, stockings, even a huge tree that nearly brushed the top of the twelve foot ceiling. They’d spent the day playing in the cold with sleds and snowballs, snowpeople and very dubious looking snow angels. Hot chocolate was poured, improved with a few shots of rum, and topped with as many marshmallows as they could fit in one mug.

Bill’s sides hurt from laughing. Georgie was telling them stories of the set he was working, impressions and all. Richie had actually cried at one point, rolling on the ground. The puppy Stan had gotten them for Christmas was bounding around, licking everyone his happy tongue could reach. They’d all agreed this was the dog version of Richie. Eddie was now trying to call the dog Richard, saying someone mature should have the name.

In short, it was perfect. It was warm and happy, pure and sweet. They were all together, family in the most fundamental way. Bill knew—

_ You can have everything. All of this. Just let me in. _

That there was no way he could be more at home. More happy with his life. Everything was just as it should be, Georgie on one side of him, Mike on the other, and the Losers all close at hand.

_ You know I’m going to win, Bill. I always win. Why are you fighting me? _

The fireplace flickered out of focus and Bill thought he saw a flash of his own reflection. Then his vision restored and Bill sank into the warmth surrounding him. This was where he belonged.

_ Stay in there forever. I’ll make sure that you never leave that place. Look into me, let me in, Billy boy. You’re so close to everything you ever wanted. _

Another weird blur of the room around them, Bill thought for sure he was surrounded by endless duplicates of himself, his own face looking more worn and worried and sad than what he’d seen this morning in the mirror. It was harder, this time, to restore the vision of what should be.    
  
_ You’re going to die either way. I’m giving you a gift, Bill. Just let me have him. A little treat before my main course. _

Closing his eyes, Bill rubbed his forehead. A headache was starting, a tightness behind his temples. Mike’s lips moved, but there was no sound. Georgie slipped his hand into Bill’s, and in that moment the rest of everything blurred into white noise. All that existed was Georgie’s hand in his. Only they were smaller, then. Georgie in his tiny yellow raincoat, looking up at Bill with those eyes that were impossible to say no to.

_ Except you did, Billy. Didn’t you? You said no and it’s all your fault. _

“Stay with me, Bill,” came Georgie’s pleading little voice. “Don’t go.” A sniffle, a little cry, making Bill’s heart break. “Don’t leave me again.”

_ Yeah, Bill. Don’t leave him. _

“I’m n-n-not!” Bill shouted that to—

No one.

The room wasn’t a room, it was walls and walls of mirrors. Except for the one in front of him. A little boy cowered on the ground in the room just beyond the glass Bill was trapped behind. Just behind the boy was…

A monster.

Pennywise.

_ It _ . 

“W-wh-what—” Bill struggled with the word, but his attempts trailed off as he saw the three glowing lights resonating inside the grotesquely split open mouth of Pennywise. It was like the teeth and jaw and tongues peeled backwards, flopping open to reveal a throat like a wet cave. And at the end, those lights. 

_ Just look, Bill. Just look and let me take you. Then you can stay with Georgie forever! Isn’t that what you want? _

It was. God help him, it was. The warmth he’d felt, no matter how fake, had pushed aside three decades of bitter cold. He’d been wrapped in it, complete. Mike, not driven a little bit mad from being the only one of them who remembered. Bev, happy and free; Ben, open to the world around him. Richie and Stan and Eddie interconnected and thriving.  _ Alive _ .

And Georgie.  _ His _ Georgie. The possibilities and hope that he’d had bundled up inside of him. What had been ripped away from him by an impossible evil.

That same evil was offering Bill an illusion of the life that had been stolen. It seemed so easy to sink down into that, to accept that the mud and dirty water he’d be buried in was the softness of what should have been.

So Bill remembered Georgie. The real Georgie. The one who had existed, just for a little while.

He remembered Georgie’s heart. The way he stood up to bullies on his kindergarten playground, even when - especially when - he’d been scared. How his brother had lived life to the absolute fullest, finding joy in every little thing, as if Georgie had known he wouldn’t have long.

The first time Bill had truly felt like he had a brother was at the bottom of the hill near their house after racing so fast it’d felt, just for a moment, like both Silver and Hi Ho might take off. That was how Georgie lived in his memories. Where he kept warm and safe and loved.

Georgie would never want a fake, tepid existence. Maybe, for the first time since Georgie hadn’t come in out of the rain, Bill shouldn’t want that, either.

His fists came up, pounding on the window. Screaming at Pennywise, kicking with all his might to get through to the little boy between them. The Deadlights disappeared and all that was left was the crazed smile of a clown. 

_ Wrong choice, Billy. _

“Go to hell, you fucking clown,” Bill spat, not a stutter in sight.

No matter what, Bill would end this. Now. Tonight.

For Georgie.

The last time Bill had been a brother was right then. Choosing the reality with all its hurt and anguish and grief, because even just six years of Georgie was better than a thousand lifetimes with a ghost.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for finishing my silly little one shot. :) I hope you liked it!


End file.
